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Thinks he cannot do anything about what happens to him:

This sign is the can hardly live without it, the cannot face it, the not getting over it, the cannot handle it part of the other signs. It is your child's feeling of having lost control within his life and being unable to get control back. Just as belonging is important to him, so is believing he is in control of what happens to him. At least, he needs to know his life is not out of control.

Your child feels very little control and thinks he does not belong, does not fit-in. This is what is causing his bad, painful feelings.

His anger is a very bad feeling he has about what happened to him; and his fear is a very bad feeling he has about what he believes will happen. He is angry about the position he is now in and about his future's having been changed. Things are just not working out as they should, from his point of view. His fear is a little less complicated. Who knows what might happen? Even worse, he knows, is sure what will happen and it scares him.

Your child either did not or could not control what happened and is very angry. He cannot control what he believes will happen and is afraid. The less control he feels, the more angry and afraid he gets and the more hopeless he feels. It is a building pressure.

Help him get these feelings out. This holds most for his anger. Additionally, there is another important step.

Give him as much power and control as you can. Let him handle things with your support whenever you can. Refrain from telling him what to do or how to act. Talk with him about these things but also let him be in charge of himself and his actions as much as possible.

You usually cannot do much about the big things that get out of control for your children; but it really is the little things that count. For all your children but especially for your older youngsters, let them have as much control as possible over as much as possible. As odd as it may seem at first, this may be your single best way to help your children handle their anger and fear.

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